Hey All. Welcome. We're back on schedule now, running something every Monday. It'll be on this schedule from now until I fuck up again.
This week, we're featuring a short story by James Nowland along with poetry by Lakewood, Ohio's JACK MC GUANE. It was a pleasure meeting Jack at Wred Fright's FILF festival a couple weeks ago. You'll dig his stuff.
And then, of course, there's the ULA's own James Nowland. Nowland is what Jorge Borges would write like if he had a sense of humor. Hope you enjoy this week's selections.
Poetry by Jack Mc Guane
Should I Join the ULA?
I like to write in the men’s room at the library,
the one in the basement? When I made Poet Laureate
they put a padded seat in my favorite stall with
my picture on the lid. The Jack McGuane
Memorial Convenience. Does that qualify me?
Who else do you know with his own crapper
at the library—with his picture on it? Amazing,
what great stuff I can turn out sitting on that face.
I hate writing in my own basement, where I keep the body,
too distracting. I catch myself having conversations like,
“Did you really have to tell the whole workshop
how sucky my poem is?” She never answers, so lonely.
If they put me away would that be a help or a hindrance?
Does everyone have to be weird and wired or
do you take normal people, like me?
What do I do to become a member?
Do I have to write poems in the Lincoln Tunnel?
If I write one in my bedroom am I disqualified?
Wait a minute, you’re not Catholic,
how the hell would you know what I do in my bedroom?
Underground Literary Alliance, that’s pretty cool.
Could you send me an application?
Here's some stuff I stole from other people:
Stolen Words
She was good at being left
but the distance grows smaller
and nothing exists but the music.
Red is an odd color for an angel.
Every second Thursday I wonder
why I bother because I
live near the city, the donut city
with all the fucking going on,
maybe not too much but then again
more than is good for it.
Sing me a love song, let the poetry
flow, seek legal representation
for the fuck behind your eyes
(that’s four shops and three fucks
just to throw off the rhythms).
No time to worry about climactic events,
drag your dead weight into the
high winds blowing off
the electrical engineer in the Iguana Café
and the growing emptiness of the
Jamaican construction worker.
With the hangover the key is
in the words of the
foreshortened female figuration.
I love her. She loves her.
C’mon over here momma
masturbate this microphone.
And one more
Poetry Night at the Literary Cafe
Lies, heresy, a blissed out cat at the bar,
plastic surgery, hairy manboobs
leaving again, again
left handed people
right handed world
lite beer, heavy news reports
cigarette boats in the torpedo tubes
wimps in office
pants pissers in the pentagon
weenies on the trade routes
flying real heros to the roadside bombs
"You can do it, man--you're trained."
internet wobble wank
don't smoke anything
don't ride motorcycles
wear your helmet in the bathroom
take your shoes off at the airport
bomb the shit out of them
absoscrewinlutely
(didn't wanna say fuck)
Arachnids Know No Pity
By James Nowland
It was different than other interviews that I had had. There was no desk between me and the woman giving the interview who was quite attractive in spite of a slight moustache on her upper lip maybe even because of it and had a pair of enticing breasts that I tried desperately not to notice. After a short discussion the content of which I’ve now forgotten I was led to a room where the tasks I was to perform were explained to me.
I understood or I guess I understood this being one of those vast blank moments where memory as it normally is is replaced by something else. Seated before a small screen I was to ask people a series of questions and mark the answers. This was not the difficult part. Convincing people to take part was and keeping them participating was even harder.
The problem was the questions. They started out innocently enough asking about people’s buying habits and leisure activities but entering more and more into their personal life to eventually interrogate them on their sexual practices. They usually hung up between porno and masturbation. After several hang ups a voice came on my headphones.
I thought at first that I had forgotten to hang up the phone but then recognized it as that of the woman who had employed me. In a calm authoritative tone she told me that I must keep the people talking until the end of the survey; the difficulty perhaps being that my voice faltered when I asked uncomfortable questions, I should ask them just as I asked all the others.
Trying to follow her advice I continued but it just got worse because now I was worried about not just the question but how I was sounding. I was stuttering even before I got to personal hygiene and people were hanging up insulting me. The manageress didn’t come back on and I took that as a bad sign. When the end of the day had come I was left staring at a screen not showing one completed interview.
I heard a pair of snickers and I looked up startled because I had thought myself alone. Two men, younger than myself and looking much more fit were looking at me with frat boy nonchalance. “Don’t worry,” said the more Ivy League looking one, “Everybody’s first day is like that. There’s a party downstairs would you like to come?”
I thankfully nodded yes and followed them, forgetting to take off my headphones until they pointed it out to me. I preceded them down some rickety stairs into a dank basement. Through a dusty murk I saw the pale figure of a woman naked except for a black leather bra, panties and boots.
“Bring him here,” said the voice of the manageress.
The two frat boys grabbed my arms and putting painful joint locks on me dragged me across the room until I found myself at the feet of my boss of one day. She nailed my head to the ground with a spiked heel “Naughty boy didn’t want to talk dirty on the telephone today, huh? Think you’re too nice? Too clean? I’ll show you,” and stepping over me while undoing a zipper in her panties she preceded to urinate on my face.
When she was finished she stalked out without a word and the two frat boys helped me up and then with a relatively sympathetic glance left me alone in my stupor. The smell of urine assured me a seat alone on the streetcar ride home and I would have bought a bottle of wine to calm my nerves but the liquor storeowner waved me away thinking that I was a street derelict.
I don’t know why I went back to work the next day other than a desperate need for money. My boss passed with a smile as if nothing had happened. I dreaded being reprimanded anew but surprisingly things passed quite well. I felt just as calm if not calmer asking people the more intimate questions.
The study was soon completed and we passed to another. It was for the behalf of a large real estate firm and the object seemed to be measuring people’s fear of being a victim of violent crime. “Have you ever been assaulted, robbed or do you know someone who has? Do you feel safe walking alone at night? Have you thought about moving out of the city because you’re afraid?” Most of the interviewees answered that they thought the threat was exaggerated.
At the end of the day the two frat boys approached me again. Some exercise equipment had been set up in the basement and they wanted to know if I’d like to go downstairs and work out with them. A day of reciting the same litany had put me into such a trance like state that I allowed my self to be lead off like livestock to the slaughter. Where before the manageress had been waiting a heavy boxing bag was hanging. I caught myself almost feeling disappointed. The less Ivy League looking one handed me a pair of bag gloves and the more Ivy League looking one stepped behind the bag to brace his body against it. “Let’s see your left jab.” I threw something that I thought was what a left jab should look like. “Too much arm get some shoulder into it.” I threw the punch again and this time the one standing behind briskly pushed my shoulder at the same time. The resulting blow staggered the one holding the bag. “That’s a boy keep it up.” I continued hitting while more Ivy league egged me on and less Ivy League propelled my shoulders into the punch and we progressed to the right cross and eventually the left hook. Esteeming that that would be enough, they invited to drive me home.
They drove around for awhile and I didn’t really feel like insisting upon the direction they should take. I was beside more Ivy and less Ivy in the back spoke up, “studies going bad sometimes people just don’t want to think like how they oughta should. You know they all live in this neighborhood?”
“Who?”
“The people that we interviewed today.”
“Looks like a nice area” I answered and it did.
“There’s one now, go make some trouble with him.”
Stunned I stuttered, “How?”
“Ask him for a cigarette and if he doesn’t have one for you get aggressive.”
Not understanding why I let myself be pushed out of the car and onto the pavement the momentum sending me off on a course towards the man.
“Gotta a cigarette?” wondering what I’d do if he answered no politely.
“I don’t smoke homosexual cigarettes so I’ve got nothing for you fag,” came his obliging answer.
When I put my fists up he walked directly into a left jab. He fell back and then rushed forward to be met by a combination that knocked him to his knees. After recovering his senses he stood up and staggered towards me to be knocked on his back for good by a right cross.
The next day we interviewed people living in the same neighborhood that we had visited the night before and they responded in a pronouncedly more cringing manner. Many said they planning to move out of town soon and that they had a friend who had been attacked or they had heard about someone being beaten or felt that the area they were living in was becoming less safe etc.. We’d completed the corrected study by the end of the day and the two Ivys approached me, with more respect now like I was a fellow jock maybe not a jock as jock Ivy jock as them but a jock all the same, offering to drive me home. On the way they asked if I’d like to go to a bar with them and pick up some babes. When I said had some other more important business they gave me a glance that questioned my masculinity but then I had given that man a serious beating the night before and I hadn’t come on to them so maybe I was just planning to get some women on my own in bars better suited for non-Ivy pseudo jocks like myself.
When they left me off I started towards the liquor store with a cursory wave goodbye that they could go ahead and interpret as fruity or not if they wanted could keep them from inviting me places. The liquor owner that had refused to serve me had been replaced by a smiling cousin of a happier tribe from the same country. He recommended a bottle of wine from the shelf and some exotic looking dried sausage.
Back at my cramped apartment I looked out of my kitchen window while carving the sausage into slices and sipping the wine straight from the bottle. The streets of the city spread out like a sinister web and I started to have a feeling of pity for all the poor insects caught in the web but then I remembered that I was one of the spiders weaving that web and arachnids know no mercy.
The Underground Literary Alliance presents literature from the underground.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Sorry it's been over a week since the last post. Strange things have been happening and I haven't been able to get to a computer with Internet. But I'm very excited about the next few weeks. We've got some great poetry and short stories coming up. Bill Blackolive, James Nowland and Christopher Robin to name a few, plus other non-ULA writers.
It's about time to wind down our FILF coverage. This week's report comes from Edna Million. Edna's one of the best young writers around and it's a pleasure to have her on here. Check out some more of her writing at her website, http://www.sadandbeautifulworld.net
Edna Million and FILF
I first found out about the Underground Literary Alliance because of my stint on the Perpetual Motion Roadshow in September of 2003. Now, the Perpetual Motion Roadshow is in no way affiliated with the ULA, but there are many ULA writers who have toured with the Roadshow. One of my tourmates was Fred Wright (aka Wred Fright), and he was already part of the ULA way back then. I guess he told them about me, and must have had nice things to say, because soon after I got back from the tour, I received a letter from Karl Wenclas, asking if I'd like to join the ranks of the ULA. He warned me of things - that the ULA makes some enemies because they are very upfront about their opinions of the mainstream literary world. I joined up, anyway. Maybe it comes from my punk rock background, but I've always thought that if a group like that is pissing people off, they must be doing SOMETHING right.
Like I said, going on the Perpetual Motion Roadshow got me connected to the ULA. Part of the reason I was attracted to the Roadshow in the first place was the description of it as "a traveling carnival of words." That's why, when Jim Munro asked us to come up with our own taglines for the tour, I pegged myself as "Jessica Disobedience, the bizarre and freakish zinester from Chicago." There was a carnival element to the Roadshow, and so it only makes sense that there would be a bit of that in the ULA, as well; that all three things would turn out to be connected, and everything would come full circle.
When Fred asked me to participate in the F Independent Literary Festival in Cleveland, I immediately made sure my schedule was clear for the weekend of July 7. It had been a long, long time since I'd done a reading, and I felt the need to get my words back out into the world, again. I wrote a lot in 2005, but didn't do much of anything with the writing, just let it sit and collect dust on my desk, or take up space on my computer's hard drive. The time had come to throw my words out amongst people again, to stop babying them, to let them fend for themselves. I was also looking forward to seeing Fred, again - he became almost like a big brother to me, when we were on tour with the Roadshow, and I hadn't seen him since then - and I was looking forward to meeting people I'd been communicating with over the past few years, such as Pat King.
I couldn't make it to Cleveland for the first day of the festival, on Thursday the sixth. Cleveland is a long drive straight from Milwaukee, so Sam (who joined me as my travel companion and official photographer) and I crashed in Chicago on Thursday night, and after a properly greasy diner breakfast on Friday morning, headed off toward Cleveland. (Slowing down along the way, of course, to give the finger to the Museum of Science and Industry, which was closed to the public that day because Dubya decided he wanted to spend his birthday there. "It makes sense," I said, "he needs to learn about things like how the human body works and how airplanes are operated.")
We arrived at bela dubby, the cafe where the Friday night event was being held, about 45 minutes after it started. I thought we were going to arrive fifteen minutes EARLY, but when we crossed the border into Ohio, I remembered that I had to flip my clock ahead one hour. Whoops. It turned out okay, although I missed Pat's reading that night, which I was bummed about. When we got there, Eric "Jellyboy" Broomfield was halfway through his reading. I didn't know who he was prior to that night, had never heard of him (ssshhh, don't tell him that!), but was immediately intrigued. His story, which I didn't catch all of, had something to do with getting kicked out of a show for being a clown. And there was a banner behind him, with a painting of himself on it, one half of his face with a leering clownface painted on, holding a cane; the other half, with no make-up, but grinning and holding a drill. Yes, definitely intriguing.
Crazy Carl Robinson was next; I'd met him years before, he was the opening act for our Roadshow stop in Cleveland, and I was curious as to what he'd pull out of his sleeve. He did a one-card tarot reading for everyone in the audience. Each person drew a card, and then he interpreted them. I drew the Queen of Pentacles, which in his interpretation means that I am a strong woman, but a touch melancholy. I think that's fairly apt.
During the intermission, Sam and I went outside to smoke. We met Fred's wife, Claudine, and she hugged us and told us how glad she was we were going to be staying at her house. The three of us smoked cigarettes and talked about tattoos and the New York Dolls, and then Frank Walsh came galloping outside and set off firecrackers in the middle of the road. I was a bit jittery - out-of-it from driving all day, nervous about my performance, and also feeling odd because everyone else there had been drinking beer all evening, and I was still completely sober. But as I watched Frank jumping up and down, laughing madly, as smoke and sparks poured down the streets of Lakewood, past the bowling alley with the flickering fuchsia sign, as smoke curled up toward the steelblue sky; and as I watched everyone who was still inside talking and drinking coffee and beer; and saw Pat lean up against the brick wall of the building and light his cigarette with a match, I knew it was going to be a good weekend.
Jack McGuane was next, the poet laureate of Lakewood, Ohio. He's not a ULA member, but he is a wonderful poet - his poems are about simple moments of everyday life, with a touch of oldman romantic cynicism. His speaking voice is gruff and commanding. He was a welcome addition to the troupe.
Then Frank read his politically conscious soundpoems, including one about the MOVE bombing in Philadelphia, and I think maybe I'm not intellectual enough to get the full meaning of his work, but I did enjoy listening to them. The way that, even when the words didn't make sense to me, the sounds still did.
And then it was my turn, and I was nervous, but I channeled that energy into the stories, and I think it worked. The first story I read was a story about kids smoking angeldust-and-marijuana joints dipped in embalming fluid and returning from their flights with the memories of dead people. I heard gasps during the story, and one guy clasped his hand to his chest and said "Oh, Jesus." Later, a woman named April told me that when Sam took a picture of me during the performance, she thought the camera flash was lightning, that I had somehow brought lightning into the room. I believe that is one of the best compliments I've ever gotten - to hear that I cast a sort of spell over the audience. My second story was a short one, not quite as intense as the first, but a favorite of mine - a tale of the end of the heyday of the American Traveling Circus, and the carnival barkers being being forced to live in a secluded retirement community. That cast a spell, too, at least on Jellyboy. After the evening's performances were over, he bowed to me and told me my stories were perfect, and then he said: "We're not dead, you know." I wasn't sure what he meant, but then he proceeded to swallow a sword and then snap a mousetrap on his tongue, and I figured it out. That was the moment things came full circle, the whole connection between the circus and the ULA and the Perpetual Motion Roadshow. Have I ever told you that I don't believe in coincidence?
Fred was the finale of Friday night's events. He read from his rock'n'roll novel, "The Pornographic Flabbergasted Emus," which I became quite familiar with when we toured together - and it is still, to this day, one of the funniest stories I have ever read. The kind of thing that you should not read on public transportation, because you will laugh out loud, and everyone will turn to stare at you.
It was discovered that Sam and I weren't the only ones staying at Fred and Claudine's place. Frank and Pat and Jelly had stayed at another house the night before, but got kicked out because I guess a concerned parent in the neighborhood didn't like Jelly waving his sword around in front of the children. So they were to be staying at Fred's for the rest of the weekend. Sam and I went to get a quick bite to eat, while everyone else went to buy beer and wine, and then we all met back at the house for an afterparty of sorts. Time for me to end my sobriety. April even joined us; the more the merrier.
It was a wonderful night. It's not often I get to sit around a big table with a bunch of writers and artists, everyone drinking wine or beer, talking about Life, Art, Music. And then Jelly accosted me in the kitchen and we talked about Circus, and he said to me: "Would you like to learn the human blockhead trick?"
"Why, of course," I replied.
"First, I have to teach you the Carny Code."
He told me the Code, which I can not repeat here under penalty of death (!), and besides a true showman doesn't reveal her secrets to just anyone, but I nearly wept tears of joy as he told me the Code, and then as he taught me how to stick a nail into my nose, because by teaching me these things, he was saying that I was worthy of the knowledge. And with that knowledge, I transformed from simply a carnival/circus aficionado, to a real live Carny. (The trick was a success, by the way - soon, everyone was snapping photographs of the two of us with nails up our noses.)
And then there was more drinking and talking, and those off us who do those sorts of things stepped out to the backyard to share cigarettes and other smokeable treats. April told me I was like "The Debbie Harry of poetry" (which was a nice thing to hear, but I'd like to think of myself as more akin to, say, Patti Smith, or at least Joan Jett!); and then she told me I was brave to work with the guys from the ULA. I wasn't quite sure what that meant. "You mean, cos the ULA has lots of enemies?" I asked.
"No," she said, "these guys are just so. . .strange."
I laughed, and responded: "Most of my favorite people are strange. I'm pretty strange, myself."
Saturday morning, we all woke up and sat around the dining room table once again, listening to The Replacements while eating waffles and drinking coffee. I love waking up in houses full of people.
Sam and I had to part ways from the rest of the crew for a few hours. We had to drive into Cleveland so I could make photocopies, and we wanted to make a stop at a comic store. Our tattoo artist here in Milwaukee requested we bring him a present from Cleveland, something "Howard the Duck" related. (You know - "Cleve-land. That WOULD be the name of this planet.") When we returned, there was a cookout going on. Along with those of us who had stayed at Claudine and Fred's the night before, Crazy Carl was there, and Adam Hardin, and Elias from "Bad Touch" zine, and members of a couple of the bands that were going to be playing that night - Kill the Hippies and The Dad of Rock. And there was plenty of beer and salad and hot dogs or veggie burgers for everyone.
About an hour before we were supposed to be at Pat's In the Flats, there was a mad scramble for the bathroom. Jelly took up a lot of time in there, putting his clownface on. Seeing that made me miss clowning; I told him how I have clown training, did some clowning when I was a preteen/young teenager, how I've even performed at the Clown Museum in Delavan, Wisconsin. (That's the great thing about Wisconsin - you can say whatever you want about how much it sucks, but there certainly is a lot of circus history here.) I told him that I'd like to get back into clowning, but I'd have to come up with a new clown persona, because the one I had when I was younger was named Pumpkin, and was much too sweet for the kind of thing I'm going for, now. "Well, you should come up with a new one," he said. "Yes," I said, "I think I will."
When we got to Pat's, I was already feeling good. The nervousness I'd had the night before was all gone. I was psyched to perform, and, well, I'd taken a Xanax before we left Fred's house. The edges of everything blurred a little. Don't get me wrong, I was still fully functional at this point, just giddy, and the quality of light looked softer than normal.
Pat's In the Flats is a great place, a dive bar/rock club in the industrial part of Cleveland. It's been around in some form or other since the 1930s. Back then, men who worked in the factories would go there to get their lunch. And, since its conversion to a rock club (sometime in the '70s, I believe, but don't quote me on this), a lot of kickass bands have played there. Sam got us whiskey&Cokes, and I scuttled into the dingy bathroom to do a costume change from the jeans & t-shirt I'd been wearing all day to a skirt and strapless top. I also put on bright red lipstick, and when I was putting on mascara, I got the impulse to darken my eyebrows. I've had this thing, lately, with darkening my eyebrows for the purposes of photographs and performances. When I make facial expressions, my eyebrows are a large part of that, so I think that if my eyebrows are exaggerated, it shows up better. When I emerged from the bathroom, Frank said: "You like great! You're like a. . .cheerleader of the apocalypse!" Now, that is a description of myself I would use for publicity.
While others were busy setting up the sound system, I sat and assembled copies of my zines. I had a moment of realizing how god damn lucky I am. Because of the zines I've done over the years - zines which I've lost money on, and which many people have considered a fool's errand from the beginning - because of my zines, I have met so many amazing people. (Not to mention all the action they've gotten me. Ha!)
Show time drew closer, and I grew giddier, the adrenaline and Xanax now mixed with whiskey.
"Man," I said, "I feel lame. I don't have any props. Just my stories."
"I don't have any props, either," Pat said.
"Let's think of it this way," I said, "our stories are good enough that they can stand on their own. We don't NEED props."
The show was terrific. Fred did an excellent job of pairing up bands with writers; it was one of those magical nights were everything just clicks, and you feel like you're creating something much, much bigger than yourself. Particular standouts for me? Crazy Carl with Kill the Hippies - they rocked out punked-up versions of old spirituals. And Jellyboy the Clown with The Dad of Rock. Jelly chased Frank (in disguise as the Evil Professor something-or-other) around the stage, Frank set something on fire, there was sword-swallowing, and I even got to be Jelly's lovely assistant for the mousetrap trick.
My set went so well. The stories and poems I shared that night were about love - my romantic, twisted, tragic take on love. Humphry Clinker played music as I spun my words into the smoky bar air. I felt like a Beat poet, the way the music flowed with the words and then, before I knew it, my words went with the rhythm of the music. (S. told me, later, that he talked with Pat - not Pat King, but Pat the owner of the club - and she said I was her favorite of the night.) Between my stories, Humphry Clinker played their songs, and they fucking rocked. They deserve big kisses for helping my tales come to life.
At one point during my set, I looked out at the crowd, and it all seemed so right - Derek DePrator, rocknroll guitarist, in drag. Punks and clowns and poets. The best minds of my generation, and other generations, indeed - all with a touch of madness, but not destroyed by it. "Angelheaded hipsters," and those "expelled from the academies for crazy & publishing obscene odes on the windows of the skull," and those who "danced on broken wineglasses barefoot." Allen Ginsberg woulda been proud.
Pat King's set with Tripolar Faction came after mine; and that went wonderfully, too. I love Pat's stories - dark, and intelligent without being at all pretentious.
And I kept drinking, chugging whiskey; by the time we were all leaving, I was thoroughly fucked up. On the car ride to Fred's, with the moonlight streaming blue and cold through the windows and making all of us shine, someone requested that I sing a Tom Waits song. I belted out "Cold Water," followed by other Tom songs, and then I recited a Lawrence Ferlinghetti poem. Well, I did warn them - once you get me started, I don't stop.
Back at the house, the drinks continued to flow. There's a lot I don't remember of that night. From what I do remember, it seems I was still in performance mode - I scared the shit out of Jelly by shoving a kitchen knife down my throat. I did yoga in the driveway; and Jelly and I danced on broken wineglasses barefoot. There are other things I remember, but I'd rather not get into them, here. (Ahem.) I drank too much wine, and the last thing I remember is puking in the front yard with Jelly holding my hair back; then he and Pat carrying me into the house. See, these are the kind of folks that are in the ULA - not only are they great writers, they're good people. They open their homes to strangers, and they'll take care of you if you get sick from drinking too much.
When I woke up the next morning, my neck and face were covered in lipstick and clown make-up. There were bits of gravel embedded in my shoulder, and a pack of cigarettes in my underwear.
After a couple more hours of hanging out and coffee-drinking, everyone had to be on their way. There were hugs, and promises to keep in touch. I hate saying goodbye. It seems, sometimes, that I've spent most of my life making new friends while on the road, and then having to say goodbye to them.
But since my return home, I have received an invite from the Philadelphia faction. I'm going out there in August, to be part of Carnivolution, and to do a reading at a gallery.
Final conclusion? Cleveland does, in fact, rock. And so does the ULA.
It's about time to wind down our FILF coverage. This week's report comes from Edna Million. Edna's one of the best young writers around and it's a pleasure to have her on here. Check out some more of her writing at her website, http://www.sadandbeautifulworld.net
Edna Million and FILF
I first found out about the Underground Literary Alliance because of my stint on the Perpetual Motion Roadshow in September of 2003. Now, the Perpetual Motion Roadshow is in no way affiliated with the ULA, but there are many ULA writers who have toured with the Roadshow. One of my tourmates was Fred Wright (aka Wred Fright), and he was already part of the ULA way back then. I guess he told them about me, and must have had nice things to say, because soon after I got back from the tour, I received a letter from Karl Wenclas, asking if I'd like to join the ranks of the ULA. He warned me of things - that the ULA makes some enemies because they are very upfront about their opinions of the mainstream literary world. I joined up, anyway. Maybe it comes from my punk rock background, but I've always thought that if a group like that is pissing people off, they must be doing SOMETHING right.
Like I said, going on the Perpetual Motion Roadshow got me connected to the ULA. Part of the reason I was attracted to the Roadshow in the first place was the description of it as "a traveling carnival of words." That's why, when Jim Munro asked us to come up with our own taglines for the tour, I pegged myself as "Jessica Disobedience, the bizarre and freakish zinester from Chicago." There was a carnival element to the Roadshow, and so it only makes sense that there would be a bit of that in the ULA, as well; that all three things would turn out to be connected, and everything would come full circle.
When Fred asked me to participate in the F Independent Literary Festival in Cleveland, I immediately made sure my schedule was clear for the weekend of July 7. It had been a long, long time since I'd done a reading, and I felt the need to get my words back out into the world, again. I wrote a lot in 2005, but didn't do much of anything with the writing, just let it sit and collect dust on my desk, or take up space on my computer's hard drive. The time had come to throw my words out amongst people again, to stop babying them, to let them fend for themselves. I was also looking forward to seeing Fred, again - he became almost like a big brother to me, when we were on tour with the Roadshow, and I hadn't seen him since then - and I was looking forward to meeting people I'd been communicating with over the past few years, such as Pat King.
I couldn't make it to Cleveland for the first day of the festival, on Thursday the sixth. Cleveland is a long drive straight from Milwaukee, so Sam (who joined me as my travel companion and official photographer) and I crashed in Chicago on Thursday night, and after a properly greasy diner breakfast on Friday morning, headed off toward Cleveland. (Slowing down along the way, of course, to give the finger to the Museum of Science and Industry, which was closed to the public that day because Dubya decided he wanted to spend his birthday there. "It makes sense," I said, "he needs to learn about things like how the human body works and how airplanes are operated.")
We arrived at bela dubby, the cafe where the Friday night event was being held, about 45 minutes after it started. I thought we were going to arrive fifteen minutes EARLY, but when we crossed the border into Ohio, I remembered that I had to flip my clock ahead one hour. Whoops. It turned out okay, although I missed Pat's reading that night, which I was bummed about. When we got there, Eric "Jellyboy" Broomfield was halfway through his reading. I didn't know who he was prior to that night, had never heard of him (ssshhh, don't tell him that!), but was immediately intrigued. His story, which I didn't catch all of, had something to do with getting kicked out of a show for being a clown. And there was a banner behind him, with a painting of himself on it, one half of his face with a leering clownface painted on, holding a cane; the other half, with no make-up, but grinning and holding a drill. Yes, definitely intriguing.
Crazy Carl Robinson was next; I'd met him years before, he was the opening act for our Roadshow stop in Cleveland, and I was curious as to what he'd pull out of his sleeve. He did a one-card tarot reading for everyone in the audience. Each person drew a card, and then he interpreted them. I drew the Queen of Pentacles, which in his interpretation means that I am a strong woman, but a touch melancholy. I think that's fairly apt.
During the intermission, Sam and I went outside to smoke. We met Fred's wife, Claudine, and she hugged us and told us how glad she was we were going to be staying at her house. The three of us smoked cigarettes and talked about tattoos and the New York Dolls, and then Frank Walsh came galloping outside and set off firecrackers in the middle of the road. I was a bit jittery - out-of-it from driving all day, nervous about my performance, and also feeling odd because everyone else there had been drinking beer all evening, and I was still completely sober. But as I watched Frank jumping up and down, laughing madly, as smoke and sparks poured down the streets of Lakewood, past the bowling alley with the flickering fuchsia sign, as smoke curled up toward the steelblue sky; and as I watched everyone who was still inside talking and drinking coffee and beer; and saw Pat lean up against the brick wall of the building and light his cigarette with a match, I knew it was going to be a good weekend.
Jack McGuane was next, the poet laureate of Lakewood, Ohio. He's not a ULA member, but he is a wonderful poet - his poems are about simple moments of everyday life, with a touch of oldman romantic cynicism. His speaking voice is gruff and commanding. He was a welcome addition to the troupe.
Then Frank read his politically conscious soundpoems, including one about the MOVE bombing in Philadelphia, and I think maybe I'm not intellectual enough to get the full meaning of his work, but I did enjoy listening to them. The way that, even when the words didn't make sense to me, the sounds still did.
And then it was my turn, and I was nervous, but I channeled that energy into the stories, and I think it worked. The first story I read was a story about kids smoking angeldust-and-marijuana joints dipped in embalming fluid and returning from their flights with the memories of dead people. I heard gasps during the story, and one guy clasped his hand to his chest and said "Oh, Jesus." Later, a woman named April told me that when Sam took a picture of me during the performance, she thought the camera flash was lightning, that I had somehow brought lightning into the room. I believe that is one of the best compliments I've ever gotten - to hear that I cast a sort of spell over the audience. My second story was a short one, not quite as intense as the first, but a favorite of mine - a tale of the end of the heyday of the American Traveling Circus, and the carnival barkers being being forced to live in a secluded retirement community. That cast a spell, too, at least on Jellyboy. After the evening's performances were over, he bowed to me and told me my stories were perfect, and then he said: "We're not dead, you know." I wasn't sure what he meant, but then he proceeded to swallow a sword and then snap a mousetrap on his tongue, and I figured it out. That was the moment things came full circle, the whole connection between the circus and the ULA and the Perpetual Motion Roadshow. Have I ever told you that I don't believe in coincidence?
Fred was the finale of Friday night's events. He read from his rock'n'roll novel, "The Pornographic Flabbergasted Emus," which I became quite familiar with when we toured together - and it is still, to this day, one of the funniest stories I have ever read. The kind of thing that you should not read on public transportation, because you will laugh out loud, and everyone will turn to stare at you.
It was discovered that Sam and I weren't the only ones staying at Fred and Claudine's place. Frank and Pat and Jelly had stayed at another house the night before, but got kicked out because I guess a concerned parent in the neighborhood didn't like Jelly waving his sword around in front of the children. So they were to be staying at Fred's for the rest of the weekend. Sam and I went to get a quick bite to eat, while everyone else went to buy beer and wine, and then we all met back at the house for an afterparty of sorts. Time for me to end my sobriety. April even joined us; the more the merrier.
It was a wonderful night. It's not often I get to sit around a big table with a bunch of writers and artists, everyone drinking wine or beer, talking about Life, Art, Music. And then Jelly accosted me in the kitchen and we talked about Circus, and he said to me: "Would you like to learn the human blockhead trick?"
"Why, of course," I replied.
"First, I have to teach you the Carny Code."
He told me the Code, which I can not repeat here under penalty of death (!), and besides a true showman doesn't reveal her secrets to just anyone, but I nearly wept tears of joy as he told me the Code, and then as he taught me how to stick a nail into my nose, because by teaching me these things, he was saying that I was worthy of the knowledge. And with that knowledge, I transformed from simply a carnival/circus aficionado, to a real live Carny. (The trick was a success, by the way - soon, everyone was snapping photographs of the two of us with nails up our noses.)
And then there was more drinking and talking, and those off us who do those sorts of things stepped out to the backyard to share cigarettes and other smokeable treats. April told me I was like "The Debbie Harry of poetry" (which was a nice thing to hear, but I'd like to think of myself as more akin to, say, Patti Smith, or at least Joan Jett!); and then she told me I was brave to work with the guys from the ULA. I wasn't quite sure what that meant. "You mean, cos the ULA has lots of enemies?" I asked.
"No," she said, "these guys are just so. . .strange."
I laughed, and responded: "Most of my favorite people are strange. I'm pretty strange, myself."
Saturday morning, we all woke up and sat around the dining room table once again, listening to The Replacements while eating waffles and drinking coffee. I love waking up in houses full of people.
Sam and I had to part ways from the rest of the crew for a few hours. We had to drive into Cleveland so I could make photocopies, and we wanted to make a stop at a comic store. Our tattoo artist here in Milwaukee requested we bring him a present from Cleveland, something "Howard the Duck" related. (You know - "Cleve-land. That WOULD be the name of this planet.") When we returned, there was a cookout going on. Along with those of us who had stayed at Claudine and Fred's the night before, Crazy Carl was there, and Adam Hardin, and Elias from "Bad Touch" zine, and members of a couple of the bands that were going to be playing that night - Kill the Hippies and The Dad of Rock. And there was plenty of beer and salad and hot dogs or veggie burgers for everyone.
About an hour before we were supposed to be at Pat's In the Flats, there was a mad scramble for the bathroom. Jelly took up a lot of time in there, putting his clownface on. Seeing that made me miss clowning; I told him how I have clown training, did some clowning when I was a preteen/young teenager, how I've even performed at the Clown Museum in Delavan, Wisconsin. (That's the great thing about Wisconsin - you can say whatever you want about how much it sucks, but there certainly is a lot of circus history here.) I told him that I'd like to get back into clowning, but I'd have to come up with a new clown persona, because the one I had when I was younger was named Pumpkin, and was much too sweet for the kind of thing I'm going for, now. "Well, you should come up with a new one," he said. "Yes," I said, "I think I will."
When we got to Pat's, I was already feeling good. The nervousness I'd had the night before was all gone. I was psyched to perform, and, well, I'd taken a Xanax before we left Fred's house. The edges of everything blurred a little. Don't get me wrong, I was still fully functional at this point, just giddy, and the quality of light looked softer than normal.
Pat's In the Flats is a great place, a dive bar/rock club in the industrial part of Cleveland. It's been around in some form or other since the 1930s. Back then, men who worked in the factories would go there to get their lunch. And, since its conversion to a rock club (sometime in the '70s, I believe, but don't quote me on this), a lot of kickass bands have played there. Sam got us whiskey&Cokes, and I scuttled into the dingy bathroom to do a costume change from the jeans & t-shirt I'd been wearing all day to a skirt and strapless top. I also put on bright red lipstick, and when I was putting on mascara, I got the impulse to darken my eyebrows. I've had this thing, lately, with darkening my eyebrows for the purposes of photographs and performances. When I make facial expressions, my eyebrows are a large part of that, so I think that if my eyebrows are exaggerated, it shows up better. When I emerged from the bathroom, Frank said: "You like great! You're like a. . .cheerleader of the apocalypse!" Now, that is a description of myself I would use for publicity.
While others were busy setting up the sound system, I sat and assembled copies of my zines. I had a moment of realizing how god damn lucky I am. Because of the zines I've done over the years - zines which I've lost money on, and which many people have considered a fool's errand from the beginning - because of my zines, I have met so many amazing people. (Not to mention all the action they've gotten me. Ha!)
Show time drew closer, and I grew giddier, the adrenaline and Xanax now mixed with whiskey.
"Man," I said, "I feel lame. I don't have any props. Just my stories."
"I don't have any props, either," Pat said.
"Let's think of it this way," I said, "our stories are good enough that they can stand on their own. We don't NEED props."
The show was terrific. Fred did an excellent job of pairing up bands with writers; it was one of those magical nights were everything just clicks, and you feel like you're creating something much, much bigger than yourself. Particular standouts for me? Crazy Carl with Kill the Hippies - they rocked out punked-up versions of old spirituals. And Jellyboy the Clown with The Dad of Rock. Jelly chased Frank (in disguise as the Evil Professor something-or-other) around the stage, Frank set something on fire, there was sword-swallowing, and I even got to be Jelly's lovely assistant for the mousetrap trick.
My set went so well. The stories and poems I shared that night were about love - my romantic, twisted, tragic take on love. Humphry Clinker played music as I spun my words into the smoky bar air. I felt like a Beat poet, the way the music flowed with the words and then, before I knew it, my words went with the rhythm of the music. (S. told me, later, that he talked with Pat - not Pat King, but Pat the owner of the club - and she said I was her favorite of the night.) Between my stories, Humphry Clinker played their songs, and they fucking rocked. They deserve big kisses for helping my tales come to life.
At one point during my set, I looked out at the crowd, and it all seemed so right - Derek DePrator, rocknroll guitarist, in drag. Punks and clowns and poets. The best minds of my generation, and other generations, indeed - all with a touch of madness, but not destroyed by it. "Angelheaded hipsters," and those "expelled from the academies for crazy & publishing obscene odes on the windows of the skull," and those who "danced on broken wineglasses barefoot." Allen Ginsberg woulda been proud.
Pat King's set with Tripolar Faction came after mine; and that went wonderfully, too. I love Pat's stories - dark, and intelligent without being at all pretentious.
And I kept drinking, chugging whiskey; by the time we were all leaving, I was thoroughly fucked up. On the car ride to Fred's, with the moonlight streaming blue and cold through the windows and making all of us shine, someone requested that I sing a Tom Waits song. I belted out "Cold Water," followed by other Tom songs, and then I recited a Lawrence Ferlinghetti poem. Well, I did warn them - once you get me started, I don't stop.
Back at the house, the drinks continued to flow. There's a lot I don't remember of that night. From what I do remember, it seems I was still in performance mode - I scared the shit out of Jelly by shoving a kitchen knife down my throat. I did yoga in the driveway; and Jelly and I danced on broken wineglasses barefoot. There are other things I remember, but I'd rather not get into them, here. (Ahem.) I drank too much wine, and the last thing I remember is puking in the front yard with Jelly holding my hair back; then he and Pat carrying me into the house. See, these are the kind of folks that are in the ULA - not only are they great writers, they're good people. They open their homes to strangers, and they'll take care of you if you get sick from drinking too much.
When I woke up the next morning, my neck and face were covered in lipstick and clown make-up. There were bits of gravel embedded in my shoulder, and a pack of cigarettes in my underwear.
After a couple more hours of hanging out and coffee-drinking, everyone had to be on their way. There were hugs, and promises to keep in touch. I hate saying goodbye. It seems, sometimes, that I've spent most of my life making new friends while on the road, and then having to say goodbye to them.
But since my return home, I have received an invite from the Philadelphia faction. I'm going out there in August, to be part of Carnivolution, and to do a reading at a gallery.
Final conclusion? Cleveland does, in fact, rock. And so does the ULA.
Monday, July 17, 2006
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Monday, July 10, 2006
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Sunday, July 02, 2006
We're back!
Hey all, this is Pat King, co-founder of Underground Literary Adventures, the blog you're reading right now. I'm back in the role of editor and very excited. Every Monday, I'll have some great stuff up from both regulars and writers that are new to this blog. This week, we're featuring a recent collection of poems by Frank Walsh, an Underground Literay Alliance member since 2003. We're allowing comments now, so you can tell us what you think.
#AMERICAN TAO XLVII
(Tso- wang)
1.
I have been visiting
with Cause and Effect
in the House Thought Built
it was memorable since
memories arise in plain sight
individually split surface tensions
the rhyme is barely noticeable
below the threshold but not so subtle:
too much thought would spoil the soup
in the same measure entirely on the surface
somewhere the pleasure around someone listens
11.
seeing how, in the dark
the body remembers space
the mind its time
and the soul too late
I know the red but cleave to the blue”
Also how in the abstract goes I have
kept them at a distance whose idea
of right is to do wrong because they
can get away with doing wrong
on others backs and still others do
wrong knowing the right is abstract.
But being appropriate and fair will be
considered wrong or not right by all.
AMERICAN TAO XXXV
1.
Your satisfaction
lasts for a bit
what is it you don’t fear
everything but giving in love
I’d rather the company of children
and animals and holding the door for her
otherwise deciding to be alone
between heaven and earth,
the possible reason for both.
2.
the green lion
the chemist waking
among poppies
crimson as bee- balm.
3.
I mute
I recoil from
the static flash
and consolidated,
of surfaces
I mage
nation
working to get beyond
while the surfaces
sink below
11.2000.
I combine with the changing light
across the board I am falling away
from loses and gains as the back
road swerves into the high- beams
nothing I’ve passed remembers me,
nothing up ahead cares I am coming
from where I sit the sense is one of reflex.
My energy levels hover around their potentials
the needle in the sealed gauge is unmoving
and blunt. You may wonder why
so much of what I say off the top
of my head, heads out then circles back
around when no one else is looking, not even
me, and splits, again, in the opposite direction.
6.19.03
A young stud banks on hungrier fields
and the enfeebled only think of thought
while I fade beyond even recognition
without hope or fear but a taste of snow
floods my nerves from head to foot
the loss I am left with only images,
mysteriously the bad day and I are one,
but cut loose from near every chain
or hot wire noosed to keep me in line,
no more under the thumb of un-natural
orders, I unlocked the door to this room
long ago as I would remember so that,
whether some lover or murderer enter, there’s no difference in the bigger picture.
11.24.04
You had the pot-pie TV dinner drummed into your head
anxieties of mass starvation chipped beef stuck like a pig
shell shocked by the authorities in spades at every turn
still you came out swinging full of faith and god awful
but the envelope they delivered was stuffed with meat
the school that gave you the best deal science for war
on the lam the belly of the beast proved quite comfortable
commercial breaks of happiness came on the side love even
the casualties mounted the artists buried in their holes
when facing the deep fried they choose to smoke bowls
the giant spider busy, making settlement with the Diocese,
questioned the existence of dogs and leased extra police
to roll out the red carpet over the remaining Indian Land
inflated bread for oil preempted a final one night stand.
1.11.05
ANOTHER MAD SONG
The cold can burn you
just the same
as what your relatives consider flame
between the covers I could
read
what in some future
was the fifth degree,
the higher plane,
by speaking out into the night
in which all who slept
had taken flight
or were too dull to take up
arms for love, or even love
the good fight.
6.2.05
frank walsh
ˇˇ
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