This Blog Will Run On Time!

Faithful blog readers and whorish churls: Today, i stand before you with a heavy heart. Brothers and sistas, i have SINNED! Nope, i'm not referring to the Orgy of Orangevale, nor to the Massacre of Mountain Falls. It's something serious---a two day neglect of this blog (gasp!). Actually it's been a nine day neglect, but our goal here is to post every week, and we've miserably failed at it already. Instead of beating our hearts with clumps of barbed wire, or employing sexual self-humiliation like a military prison guard gone terribly wrong, i'd like to blame everything on departed editors Wred Fright and Pat King, for not infusing us newbies with enough Grueling Training and Iron Will needed to run this blog. Shame...shame...on them!!

Moving right along, instead of posting some creative writing now, and funching up the schedule i foolishly cling to, i will instead revert to the days of Proto ULA Blog, when Pat King, Karl Wenclas, and others would post ULA News and Gossip in this very space.

Those of you who have studied my life history and stalked me for countless hours (fools!) already know that in addition to co-editing this blog with Marissa Ranello, i am also webmaster of the ULA Fan Site. Now, i will take you on a spin through some of the site's new features.

The ULA site is at http://www.literaryrevolution.com/

You will be overwhelmed with brilliant graphics and textual wonders that may immediately blind the impure (sorry Dave!). If you have ADHD, like many of our critics, the front page is as far as you'll ever get into the site. If not, notice ULA Central, the huge red box with link to the current Monday Report and ULA affiliated blogs, including this one. I originally wanted to call that red box the ULA Hot Box, but fortunately cooler heads prevailed.

Now you will look to the blue strip of navigation buttons that will whirl you through the site. Click on the ULA ACTION button for our calendar of what's up, plus (and a lot of fools don't realize this) a collected archive of all ULA news and publicity, organized by year. Historians and lawyers, this is the place to look!

Click on ULA WRITING for many cool things, including Mid-Stream Samples (phrase borrowed from Jack Saunders), which is a collection of essays and creative work by ULA writers. It's just been updated so you'll find some fresh stuff, including one poem (wow!) from Marissa and a truly terrrible older story from my vault of questionable writing, dealing with incest, attempted homosexual rape, mild stalking, alienation, mental illness. The usual for me, sorry. Nearly a year ago, this story was rightly rejected by Word Riot, so it's got that much going for it! Anyway, every ULAer is (or will be soon) represented on this page (even the illusive Susan "Polyestra" America), so this is a truly groundbreaking and ambitious undertaking that we're uh, undertaking. Enjoy it!

Click on MEET THE ULA for our most popular page!! It answers the basic questions about the ULA, and offers exciting mini-profiles of all ULA members. To encourage petty jealousies within the group, some members even have two profiles! But, ya gotta look hard to find them, because i'm not going to make it easy on anyone.

Finally, our online ZEEN STORE (or "Zine Store" for you old-fashioned types who dislike having your English language messed with) offers ULA zeens like Slushpile, Literary Fan Magazine, and all the latest zeen and book projects from our individual members. Check it out and buy something today. It's cheap, fun, and you'll probably make a zeenstar's day.

Alright, that's all i want to talk about with you! The site has many other wonders, with mucho more still to come, but you'll have to explore that for yourself and keep on coming back. Of course, if you have any questions, input, scorn or love for me, email the man, Pat Simonelli, at pat@literaryrevolution.com

Hopefully soon we'll get this yer blog back on track with some writing. Look for it by Sunday May 29...